Day 2

January 25, 2012 sweetpea2200
Tags: , , ,

“The External problem is rarely the real problem.” (Smalley 18)

If you stop to think about this, I have been assuming (and you know what happens when you ass…ume) that the surface problem was the problem. But sum, it up in Sweetpea’s terms, we all have a core fear and then someone pushes that button, we react by pushing their button out of our own fear, and they react and the cycle or “Fear Dance” as Dr. Smalley calls it continues. I can look at all most any of my conflict and see this cycle and how this cycle has and how I have allowed it to continue. My core fear is a fear of invalidation and rejection, and as I look back over my life, I can see out I allowed my fears to control my actions.

For example, in high school, I used to tell me my mom that no one liked me and that no one was my friend, but in reality, I was scared to put myself out there so I did not do anything is high school. I love to play sports, and if I had actually put out the effort, I would not have been winning in college scholarships but I would have been a good player. But, I was scared of reject and I cannot play. Or, I could have been more social like attending the games even if I did not play. I remember one girl in my class, never played but was always there to support the team.

Or, more recently, I was got a new boss and everyone is still settling in. And, our policy within the department is changing but no one told me so I was rejecting claims following the old policy so then someone questioned it and the new boss approved it. I was pissed. How could a manager hang his person out to dry? But, in reality, it pushed my core fear of being rejected so I reacted. i do not know how the situation is going to play out but I hope to have new dance steps because getting angry and withdrawing is only hurting me, and it is time to melt this Ice Queen’s heart

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Entry Filed under: Relationships,Starting over

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