What a day?

April 28, 2012 sweetpea2200
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My day started off pretty rough. First, I did not get to bed until well into the morning hours, because I let my anger get the best of me and I understood the outward anger, but I could not figure out why my fear button was pushed. I sat up half the night trying to figure it out. Then this morning, I woke up with abdomen pain so bad, I actually cried. Now, you have to understand that I rarely take any medication must less pain medication. I have seen to many people in my life become addicted to them without even realizing it. I have a high pain tolerance and have had a DNC, two c-sections, and knee surgery with very little pain medication or tears, and yes, I am proud of that. But this morning, it hurt just to stand up. I have an ovary cyst, I believe, well that is what it feels like, some test next week to be for sure. It is incredible painful and could hardly stand up, well, actually I could not stand up it hurt so bad. I have a stabbing pain in my ovary region and my whole abdomen cravity feels like the hallow feeling you get after swimming on an empty stomach times ten. So, I walked all hunch over this morning shaking and then I got to the stairs, it hurt to bad to stretch my leg out to reach the next step. I sat down on the step and scooted myself down the stairs, and my munchkin sat with me to help. Sweet Angel. Then I finally got downstairs, I had to get the munchkins dressed and myself, and we had few tense moments but we got it all done. Then I dropped the munchkins off and headed off to work, and I have to say that I felt every pothole this morning. I got to work and stayed at my desk as much as possible, however, I discovered that walking around seemed to make the pain ease a bit. Then, I got to have lunch with a great friend. I still had that hallow feeling you get in your stomach after you go swimming but it was starting to ease too. But, it was awesome to get to catch up, and in talking with my friend, I figured out what was making me angry. I was feeling rejected and used and worthless after the conversion with my other friend last night. There was a falling out a few weeks ago with my friend and their family and it just seemed like old times where I was the backup plan, in case the desired one did not work out. And, it pushed my fear button of feeling rejected and worthless, and I wanted to change the person so they would validate me. The anger was because I just wanted to be loved for me and not for the backup plan. So, as the day continued I have diffused my anger for the most part, because anger does no one any good and hurts me and damages my relationship with God. I do not want to become that angry elderly woman from my old church that scared all the little kids. I do want feel the present of God in my life. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with the knowledge to understand and handle my emotions and in controlling my emotions.

Entry Filed under: Relationships

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