Posts filed under: ‘Faith‘




One Arrow At A Time

Thursday night, I was so frustrated that I quit. I quit archery because I suck so badly. I have been trying to practice my form but I still cannot group consistently. I was so frustrated Thursday evenings that I sat at the range and cried. Now, if know me, you know it takes a lot for me to break and to break in front of people, even more so. I love archery. My friends even joke that the archery range is my second home, but I do not want to suck at it, actually, to be perfectly honest I wanted to some day go to the Olympics as a family with my munchkins shooting together on the US Olympic team. I know that is a pipe (pike, hmmm) dream but still an achievable one with much practice and dedication. With every bad shot, I saw that dream going by the wayside, and the frustration mounted, well and any other dream to be successful in archery. I wanted to cry, scream, yell, and go over to the gun range because I can hit that target. I would have thrown my bow, but the image of it scattering and the fact the video of me throwing a tantrum would probably end up on youtube stopped me. My oldest said, “Mommy, you do not suck if you did you would not have gotten your first pin.” Actually, I got enough points to earn my first three pins, but you can only get one pin at a time. My munchkins’ coaches tried to reassure me that I am not a complete lost cause, and she even told me about her target panic and that she was not always the nicest person while she was dealing with and working through the issue. I kind of hope she was letting me know that even through I was grouchy, crappy, ugly, depressing, (you get the picture), she understood my attitude and was letting me know it was okay. I really do need to apologize for my attitude. I am just tired of sucking, even if I do not make the Olympics, I still want to be good. Then this guy stopped by to ask me about a note he had left,(it was a sales tax discount of archery stuff), I told him, I quit and then I wanted to cry again. My friend heard me and asked if I was serious, and I said yes, “I am tried of sucking. You know like that country song, “You got to know then to fold ‘em,” and she said and walk away. I thought yep, got to know then you hold ‘em, fold ‘em and walk away. My ex thought me that not only at the poker table but in our relationship. I had to fold ‘em and run as the song says. But, I had forgotten about the walk away, so I decided to listen to the song on my phone. And, who knew, a song older than me about a gambler would make me wonder it quitting is the answer.

‘Cause every hand’s a winner

And every hand’s a loser

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You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table

There’ll be time enough for countin’ When the dealin’s done

So, maybe I can be a winner, but I have to stop counting my money at the table. I have to take it one step at a time, literally. As Ms. Jane Johnson says, “Focus on your goals, one arrow at a time.” I need goals like the ones, I wrote for my oldest to be able to move up to an Olympic recurve bow. And, when reached, we will set new goals to earn the different equipment that will be needed like stabilizers, sights, plungers, finger tabs, etc, etc etc (ha, remember the King and I, sorry, I can never resist). So, I need a few days to rest, regroup, set goals, and achieve them, one arrow at a time. Now, to go out there today to with my big girl panties and shoot my hundred arrows and working on consistent form and the grouping will then my form is consistent.

Add a comment July 27, 2015

Love is an action 

Love is…….

Most of us know the love verses in 1 Corinthians:

13:4-7

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; loves does not parade itself, is not
puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no
evils; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all
things, hopes all things, endures all things”

This has been one of my favorite verses, but I di not fully understand it until
recently. About a week ago, my friend/coworker/office mom sat down at the my
desk to elaborate on her Facebook post that I had reposted. The post was a mother
telling her daughter then looking for a mate, to place the gentleman’s name in these
verses and ask is this true. Is he kind? Is he envious? Is he prideful? Is he arrogant?
Is he rude?……..etc etc etc. (Remember, the King and I, the original not the remake
with Jodie Foster). If her daughter could replace the word love with the boy’s name
and the statement be true then he might pass mustard. I had reposted because I
thought it was a great way to teach girls how to pick a good man, and one I needed
to hear myself. My friend said that she needed to take these verses a step further
and apply them to herself. I am embarrassed to say that I was a bad friend and was
throwing a pity party while she was talking about this, but it did stick with me. I
have been yeaning to know how to love people I do not see eye to eye with. I look at
this country and see that it is broken and needs to be repaired but I do not see that
happened if we are constantly on different ends of the spectrum. But this is it, you
make love an action, so many times we think of love as a feeling but is the true
everlasting unconditional love? No, it is romantic love that many of us have read in
romance novels or watch in movies. It is real, but without the love the romantic love
fades with time.

I want to learn to love like this, and God has blessed me in the last several weeks and
months to put people in my life that show God’s love. Lord, thank You for blessing
me with these beautiful ladies and gentleman, ask open my heart to learn and show
to love. 

1 comment May 15, 2015

Craving

As I lay here trying to sleep, thinking about how long it is been since I have been in a
relationship, it occurred to me that I have never been in a safe intimate relationship
that I truly trusted the other person. Granted, I have only had two serious
relationships, one being my ex-husband and the second been my munchkins dad, so
my experience is lacking. But, I could never just be with them. With my ex-husband,
I was to busy being the needy dependent one to open our relationship to that level
and with my munchkins dad, I was to busy trying to live up to his crazy high
standards and what his ulterior motive was. I have
discovered that, I crave a safe truly intimate (more than the physical) relationship
with someone who will be my best friend love me faults and all. Someone who
knows to leave me be when, I am angry but knows to stay close by. Someone who
coddles me then I am sick. Someone who just holds my hand because they know
that is my love language. Someone who loves my munchkins, because the way to a
mother’s hearts is to love her kids as they were yours. Someone who will kiss me
without the expectation of sex, because it is intimately sweet and shows that I am
special. Someone who can shoot the breeze with my dad and show my mom
respect, but know then to stand up for me. Someone to share my interest
with like archery or just sitting down on the porch watch a good old fashion
thunderstorm roll through. Someone to smile, at how I get excited over the
dumbest things, someone who gets excited at me getting excited. Someone, who I can share their life with and know them as intimately as I know myself. I want a
relationship and marriage like my friend had that last fifty plus years.

Now, with that being said, am going to pounce on the first guy that shows a bit of
interest or sit back and watch life pass me by. Absolutely not, I am content with my
life, and blessed beyond belief, and this craving because does not change that, but
opens my eyes to what I need to have a safe intimate relationship and what I am
capable of giving. And, God will either put him in my path or take the crave
from my heart, but either way God is in control and He knows the journey that is ahead
for me. 

Add a comment April 24, 2015

Runway Bride……I am a runner, are you?

Do you remember that movie Runway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere?  The movie where Julia Robert character runs from all her weddings moments before she is to exchange her vows?  I tend to be a runner, then things start to look like I am going to be hurt…..I run and depending on who you are depends on how fast I run.  On New Years Day, I got mad at one of my dear friends. Our friendship has always been rocky, so my first instinct was to get my things, she had and be done with this friendship.  But, God reminded me of my motto for 2015 which is QBQ?  I could not fail on the first day of 2015, and I have a sneaking feeling that I need to go to her church and I did not want the white elephant in the room.  So, I ask her what I could do to fix this?  We did not really resolve the issue, but I realized through our discussion that God has place some really amazing people in my life to help my through the changes coming this year.  I even tried running when I learned of these changes. But God said nope, and has closed every door I have tried to open myself. I believe He has given me the support and equipment to handle the changes and allowed me to see what I need to learn. I even try running from God, then I think He has giving up on me.  Sometime, I cannot feel God, and I beg to just be able to feel His present and then I do not, that is then the doubt set in.  Is God real? Why would He care what I think or do?  If God is real why cannot I feel Him? Why did He leave me?  What did I do wrong? Why? Why? Why?  Is the question at hand.  This is when I general run fast and furious and shut Him out of my life.  No matter, what I do I cannot run from God, and I am tired of running.  You cannot out run hurt.  We are going to hurt and be hurt, it is  part of life.  I have discovered that many of my hurts are because I had false expectations for others.  My prayer today is that I have less expectations for others and just allow them and me to be who we are without expectations.

Add a comment January 5, 2015

2015 New Years Resolutions Goals Plan Path Journey

  • 2015 New Years Resolutions Goals Plan Path JourneyWe all know that resolutions are rarely successful. Goals are great but must be outlined then draw and quarterly with little give.  Plans are just dreams that have not become goals.  Path is the road to walk, but the journey is how we walk the path.  I want 2015 to be an amazing journey where I can finally get out of the desert.  Ever feel like the Israelities in your life wandering around the desert for forty years? I am not forty, though my hair says, I could be fifty or sixty and have only been suck for the last three years.  I realized through many closed doors and much prayer that I have to learn to be content with what I am blessed with.  I have a job that I am good at, but I stopped taking the initiative and lost the drive to go the extra mile, but just in the last few weeks God has opened my eyes to see that I have amazing coworker who are becoming friends, and personally, I just want to be a better Mom, and get my ab muscle back :).  Last year, I learned that I cannot be both mom and dad filling in for their dad absents and no one can ever replace him or fill that void but God.  I can focus on our relationships and on our family relationship to help give them a solid foundation.  I want to spend 2015 learning what I can do to have a better attitude and mindset.  To not be that mom, about to rip her hair out in the middle of the Target line because her kids are running a muck or the disgruntled employee who does what is ask while bellyaching in the inside.  I read a book called QBQ several months ago, and then I begging God for an answer for a guide for 2015 this was my answer.  I rediscovered on New Years Day the author and his wife has also written a book called Parenting the QBQ way.  So, I rushed down to the Baptist Book Store and purchased their only copy.  My new motto “What is the QBQ?”.   Which stands for the Question Behind the Questions, both books talk about IQ andQBQ.  An IQ is the incorrect question and theQBQ question behind the question being the better question to ask.  IQ start with why, what, who and general use you, where aQBQ contains anI and an action.   It is a retraining of yourself to get go of what is ready done (good, bad, or ugly) and focusing on what you yourself can do moving forward.Motto: QBQ
    Bible Versus:

    • Psalms 46:10aBe still, and know that I am God
    • Jeremiah 29:11For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope
    • Matthew 7:7-8Ask, and It will be given to you: seek, and your will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.   For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
    • Proverbs 31: This is the kind of woman, I want to be

Workouts: Five Minutes Abs – daily
Tiny House:  I will have the trailer and shell built by the end of 2015, but I am going to work super hard on having in complete
Massage: Complete my freshman term

What does your 2015 journey look like?

Add a comment January 3, 2015

Bad to Better

Yesterday, started out badly, mainly because I did not got to bed early enough the night before. Then the arguing started about wearing weather appropriate clothes. Then word of my third rejection and that then the tears started and battle not to let them fall. Then, I talked with a friend and expressed all my feeling about the day and this stupid crazy school girl crush I have. Which I am guess is driving to roller coaster of emotion, because I am 32 and happy being a single mom. Why do I have this crush? I digress, but I felt loads better after my confession and my day improved. I even worked on my RV living plan.

This morning Bible versus was:

Galatians 1:10 For do I now persuade men or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still please men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

Wow…I have to stop trying to impress others and just focus on God. God knows what the plans are for my life and my hearts desires and He will bring them to pass in His time not mine.

Add a comment November 4, 2014

The Middle of the Bed

The hardest and greatest thing about being a single parent is sleeping in the middle of the bed alone. Have you ever had that feeling then you slide into the middle of the bed, cool fresh sheets gliding across your skin then stretching your arms across the bed breathing in a deep since of peace? Or, crawling into bed so tired and exhausted that life has slapped you silly with cold sheets amplify emptiness, knowing life could have been different if only you might have someone to share life with.

Sleeping alone in the middle of the bed is a freedom I have never felt elsewhere, and then other times it is the elephant sitting on my chest. Then the weight of every decision, I make will effect my munchkins and their future is mine alone. The weight seems unbearable. I pray that I am a strong enough mom to keep my munchkins from becoming a statistic of drugs, violence, gangs, and no faith because their dad chooses not to be a part of their lives, and that I show them enough love and respect, and teach them knowledge, discipline,
and contentment that no matter what life hands them they can make lemonade with a smile.

Add a comment October 23, 2014

To Build or to Snowball

Tiny House

I have been thinking about living simply for a while. We have been downsizing for over two years and trying to be more eco-friendly. I have this dream to live in a small house raising my kids. Now, the question becomes do I stop my debt snowball and save everything I can to build my tiny house then continue with the debt snowball or wait ten years to be debt-free then built my tiny house. I know Dave Ramsey says to be debt- free first, but is that step right for me? Am I just tiny house happy? With the tiny house over seventy percent of all my current income with be freed up and that will increase as time goes by to throw at the debt. Hmmm….what to do? What to do?

Can we live in a tiny house? Yes, I believe we can. I believe it will open a new world and new depths to our family relationships.

1 comment July 11, 2014

Bye-Bye TV

Bye-Bye TV

I have wanted to box up my television for at least a year, after reading several Amish romance books, and watched a documentary on this family who gave up all modern living.  It was very inspiring, but then I think what would to do without television.  We gave up cable almost four years ago for three reasons: one, I could not afford it, two, I was flipping through my DVR and all I saw was kids shows, and third, television is losing its morals quickly.  But, now, I even want to get rid of the television all together, because even without cable we spend way too much time watching TV.  My youngest child was walking around Home Depot saying, “I am a Vulcan, I have no emotions and I am from the plant Vulcan” while trying to make the hand signal.  I decided then that we watched too much television and definitely too much Star Trek.  Of course, we have watched all Star Trek The Next Generation (twice), Deep Space Nine, Voyager and recently Enterprise.  There are so many other things that we could be doing instead of sitting around watching television like riding bikes, board games, dinner at the table, laundry, etc.

We have been without the television about two weeks, and the evenings had been pretty easy with board games and bike riding.  This weekend was a little bit harder, we did spend sometime with at a friends, grilling, gardening and cleaning house but I did crave in and we watched a movie on the computer.  I still have not plugged the television back in, because I know we will be in the same spot again never turning the television off.  I believe my munchkins are having television withdraw also.  I took a nap today, and then I woke up my kids were watching Netflix on the computer.  I know, I started it then we watched that movie last night, but it just shows that we are addicted to television.  I fear what winter is going to be like without being able to get out of the house.

What are your thoughts on television?  The shows on television? How does television affect you and your family?

6 comments June 3, 2014

How to Kill 11 Million People by Andy Andrew

Hmmmm……I book on how to kill eleven million, why would I read a book like that. But, after hearing an interview from the author Andy Andrew on EntreLeadership podcast, I was intrigued. Again, was so ecstatic to read this book, I called three different bookstores when Barnes and Noble did not have the book locally. I so wanted to know what the secret is to facing issues with your opponents and actually achieve more than arguing. I have known for years that, I am not going to change your opinion and you are probably not going to change mine, but how do you work together, if there is not a win-win mentality . Andy Andrews did not go into detail of how to work with your opponent but stated repeatedly that the truth is what is important.  It also makes me ponder my involved in my local, state, and federal government.  To be perfectly honest, I vote, but that is about as far as my involvement goes.  I have tuned the world out, because it is depressing and my opinions or ideas are not going to change Washington or stop world hungry. Who wants to hear about the wars, school shoots, gang fights, the trillion-dollar deficit (Obama, you need to listen to Dave Ramsey and get our country on a super tight budget), Obamacare, recession, murders, politics, the party lines, liberal, republican, democrat, conservative…..you get the picture.   Andy Andrews answers to the questions in the back of the book, caused me to stop and think more than the actually story. It was because of people like me, that just sat back and ignored the issues, for whatever reason, are guilty of the crime too. I am a bit ashamed to say that I am part of the problem and that I need to stop blaming Obama, stand up, and demand our leaders to lead with integrity and honor.   When did we become a nation, divided? A nation are lying leaders? I ponder what old Abe Lincoln is thinking about now.  He fought to keep our nation together because he knew we could not stand divided.  What is the old saying, divide and conquer?  Growing up watching shows like Knight Rider, Matlock, StarTrek (the Next Generation), Murder, She Wrote, Walker, Texas Ranger, I always wanted to be the one who stood up to the bad guys, even if I was in danger.  Now, as an adult looking back, I let fear and discord settle in my spirit instead.  I believe now is the time to be involved, because to change a town, city, county, state, country, and the world starts with me.

Add a comment March 26, 2014

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