Posts filed under: ‘Family‘




One Arrow At A Time

Thursday night, I was so frustrated that I quit. I quit archery because I suck so badly. I have been trying to practice my form but I still cannot group consistently. I was so frustrated Thursday evenings that I sat at the range and cried. Now, if know me, you know it takes a lot for me to break and to break in front of people, even more so. I love archery. My friends even joke that the archery range is my second home, but I do not want to suck at it, actually, to be perfectly honest I wanted to some day go to the Olympics as a family with my munchkins shooting together on the US Olympic team. I know that is a pipe (pike, hmmm) dream but still an achievable one with much practice and dedication. With every bad shot, I saw that dream going by the wayside, and the frustration mounted, well and any other dream to be successful in archery. I wanted to cry, scream, yell, and go over to the gun range because I can hit that target. I would have thrown my bow, but the image of it scattering and the fact the video of me throwing a tantrum would probably end up on youtube stopped me. My oldest said, “Mommy, you do not suck if you did you would not have gotten your first pin.” Actually, I got enough points to earn my first three pins, but you can only get one pin at a time. My munchkins’ coaches tried to reassure me that I am not a complete lost cause, and she even told me about her target panic and that she was not always the nicest person while she was dealing with and working through the issue. I kind of hope she was letting me know that even through I was grouchy, crappy, ugly, depressing, (you get the picture), she understood my attitude and was letting me know it was okay. I really do need to apologize for my attitude. I am just tired of sucking, even if I do not make the Olympics, I still want to be good. Then this guy stopped by to ask me about a note he had left,(it was a sales tax discount of archery stuff), I told him, I quit and then I wanted to cry again. My friend heard me and asked if I was serious, and I said yes, “I am tried of sucking. You know like that country song, “You got to know then to fold ‘em,” and she said and walk away. I thought yep, got to know then you hold ‘em, fold ‘em and walk away. My ex thought me that not only at the poker table but in our relationship. I had to fold ‘em and run as the song says. But, I had forgotten about the walk away, so I decided to listen to the song on my phone. And, who knew, a song older than me about a gambler would make me wonder it quitting is the answer.

‘Cause every hand’s a winner

And every hand’s a loser

…..

….

…..

….

…..

…. 

…..

You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table

There’ll be time enough for countin’ When the dealin’s done

So, maybe I can be a winner, but I have to stop counting my money at the table. I have to take it one step at a time, literally. As Ms. Jane Johnson says, “Focus on your goals, one arrow at a time.” I need goals like the ones, I wrote for my oldest to be able to move up to an Olympic recurve bow. And, when reached, we will set new goals to earn the different equipment that will be needed like stabilizers, sights, plungers, finger tabs, etc, etc etc (ha, remember the King and I, sorry, I can never resist). So, I need a few days to rest, regroup, set goals, and achieve them, one arrow at a time. Now, to go out there today to with my big girl panties and shoot my hundred arrows and working on consistent form and the grouping will then my form is consistent.

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Add a comment July 27, 2015

Love is an action 

Love is…….

Most of us know the love verses in 1 Corinthians:

13:4-7

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; loves does not parade itself, is not
puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no
evils; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all
things, hopes all things, endures all things”

This has been one of my favorite verses, but I di not fully understand it until
recently. About a week ago, my friend/coworker/office mom sat down at the my
desk to elaborate on her Facebook post that I had reposted. The post was a mother
telling her daughter then looking for a mate, to place the gentleman’s name in these
verses and ask is this true. Is he kind? Is he envious? Is he prideful? Is he arrogant?
Is he rude?……..etc etc etc. (Remember, the King and I, the original not the remake
with Jodie Foster). If her daughter could replace the word love with the boy’s name
and the statement be true then he might pass mustard. I had reposted because I
thought it was a great way to teach girls how to pick a good man, and one I needed
to hear myself. My friend said that she needed to take these verses a step further
and apply them to herself. I am embarrassed to say that I was a bad friend and was
throwing a pity party while she was talking about this, but it did stick with me. I
have been yeaning to know how to love people I do not see eye to eye with. I look at
this country and see that it is broken and needs to be repaired but I do not see that
happened if we are constantly on different ends of the spectrum. But this is it, you
make love an action, so many times we think of love as a feeling but is the true
everlasting unconditional love? No, it is romantic love that many of us have read in
romance novels or watch in movies. It is real, but without the love the romantic love
fades with time.

I want to learn to love like this, and God has blessed me in the last several weeks and
months to put people in my life that show God’s love. Lord, thank You for blessing
me with these beautiful ladies and gentleman, ask open my heart to learn and show
to love. 

1 comment May 15, 2015

Craving

As I lay here trying to sleep, thinking about how long it is been since I have been in a
relationship, it occurred to me that I have never been in a safe intimate relationship
that I truly trusted the other person. Granted, I have only had two serious
relationships, one being my ex-husband and the second been my munchkins dad, so
my experience is lacking. But, I could never just be with them. With my ex-husband,
I was to busy being the needy dependent one to open our relationship to that level
and with my munchkins dad, I was to busy trying to live up to his crazy high
standards and what his ulterior motive was. I have
discovered that, I crave a safe truly intimate (more than the physical) relationship
with someone who will be my best friend love me faults and all. Someone who
knows to leave me be when, I am angry but knows to stay close by. Someone who
coddles me then I am sick. Someone who just holds my hand because they know
that is my love language. Someone who loves my munchkins, because the way to a
mother’s hearts is to love her kids as they were yours. Someone who will kiss me
without the expectation of sex, because it is intimately sweet and shows that I am
special. Someone who can shoot the breeze with my dad and show my mom
respect, but know then to stand up for me. Someone to share my interest
with like archery or just sitting down on the porch watch a good old fashion
thunderstorm roll through. Someone to smile, at how I get excited over the
dumbest things, someone who gets excited at me getting excited. Someone, who I can share their life with and know them as intimately as I know myself. I want a
relationship and marriage like my friend had that last fifty plus years.

Now, with that being said, am going to pounce on the first guy that shows a bit of
interest or sit back and watch life pass me by. Absolutely not, I am content with my
life, and blessed beyond belief, and this craving because does not change that, but
opens my eyes to what I need to have a safe intimate relationship and what I am
capable of giving. And, God will either put him in my path or take the crave
from my heart, but either way God is in control and He knows the journey that is ahead
for me. 

Add a comment April 24, 2015

GG

Today, I sit here writing a blog about my favorite love story while you are about to see your love after twenty years of being apart. I am excited and a little jealous that you will soon meet Jesus face to face and see Papa again. I pray that you are not suffering and that your journey from this world is quick and peaceful. I wonder what is going to happen to the family now that the glue holding us together is dissolving. Will we stay in contact? Or will we just see each other at weddings and funerals? Then Papa passed our family traditions started to fade. It started with the 4th of July, the first holiday after Papa passed and then progressed to Thanksgiving the next year with Auntie’s heart attack. Then Christmas as us kids grew up and moved away and had children of our own. A few months ago, when, I drove back to Little Town, USA to help pack your house so it could be sold, it was a surreal feeling. I remember driving into town thinking, there is not a single reason to ever come back here. I do not generally visit Auntie and Uncle, and if I did it would not be here. The saying, “You can never return home,” felt so true. I have wondered where we will gather as a family once you have passed, because your house would have been where we would gather. Are we even going to gather as one big family? The time between a passing and the funeral is always a special time to just stop, reflect, and just remember the times with the one who has passed. Are we going to get that as a extended family or just going to be our branch of the family tree gathered together? I do not know, what will happened but I know we will be okay. You have raised all us kids to be strong and faithful and love God with all our hearts. GG, I am so blessed to have you as a Grandma. You took me in then things were rough at home and taught me to love my Mom through our differences and for who she is by letting go of the past. You would tell me that you did not know how I did it, being a single Mom, but GG you raised your younger brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and many more kids in the community. Even my children have memories with their Great Great Grandma, how awesome is that. I wish, I could just have one more minute with you just to tell you, I love you. And, well, to see whether you would love or hate the Christmas present, I made you :). It is your favorite color red, but I did tear a Baptist hymnal up to use the pages. I can see both your reactions: you loving it and then the scolding for destroying a hymnal. But, then, I was committing my felony (the destruction of the hymnal), I was remembering all the hymns you would sing while you went about your business. You said you could not carry a tune, but I loved to hear you sing. I still love to hear those old hymns, it is like being at your house during summer vacation. I loved summers with you and Papa. You would sit me up on the counter and teach me to cook, well, try to teach me. On Saturday’s, we would take you to the beauty shop and we would help Papa clean house. Then we would pick you up and go to Hardee’s for a roast beef sandwich, then on to do the groceries shopping. I remember our allowance was 1.50 a week. I remember, it taking two very long painful weeks to save three dollars. 🙂 I learned so much from you, but the biggest were to love, fight, and have compassion. I will miss you, but I will be okay. The hard part is watching my children lose you. GG, how did you help your children through their loses? I did not know, my heart could break this much. I truly understand a Mom’s heart breaking for her children. The heartbreak their dad causing it nothing compared to this. We will be well, GG, because we know you will be with Jesus, and is exactly how I explained it. I am so excited that anytime now, Jesus’ is going to welcome you with open arms and that someday, we will see you again. We will all love and miss you, but rejoice that someday we will meet again because this is not our home.

All my heart,
sweetpea

1 comment January 12, 2015

2015 New Years Resolutions Goals Plan Path Journey

  • 2015 New Years Resolutions Goals Plan Path JourneyWe all know that resolutions are rarely successful. Goals are great but must be outlined then draw and quarterly with little give.  Plans are just dreams that have not become goals.  Path is the road to walk, but the journey is how we walk the path.  I want 2015 to be an amazing journey where I can finally get out of the desert.  Ever feel like the Israelities in your life wandering around the desert for forty years? I am not forty, though my hair says, I could be fifty or sixty and have only been suck for the last three years.  I realized through many closed doors and much prayer that I have to learn to be content with what I am blessed with.  I have a job that I am good at, but I stopped taking the initiative and lost the drive to go the extra mile, but just in the last few weeks God has opened my eyes to see that I have amazing coworker who are becoming friends, and personally, I just want to be a better Mom, and get my ab muscle back :).  Last year, I learned that I cannot be both mom and dad filling in for their dad absents and no one can ever replace him or fill that void but God.  I can focus on our relationships and on our family relationship to help give them a solid foundation.  I want to spend 2015 learning what I can do to have a better attitude and mindset.  To not be that mom, about to rip her hair out in the middle of the Target line because her kids are running a muck or the disgruntled employee who does what is ask while bellyaching in the inside.  I read a book called QBQ several months ago, and then I begging God for an answer for a guide for 2015 this was my answer.  I rediscovered on New Years Day the author and his wife has also written a book called Parenting the QBQ way.  So, I rushed down to the Baptist Book Store and purchased their only copy.  My new motto “What is the QBQ?”.   Which stands for the Question Behind the Questions, both books talk about IQ andQBQ.  An IQ is the incorrect question and theQBQ question behind the question being the better question to ask.  IQ start with why, what, who and general use you, where aQBQ contains anI and an action.   It is a retraining of yourself to get go of what is ready done (good, bad, or ugly) and focusing on what you yourself can do moving forward.Motto: QBQ
    Bible Versus:

    • Psalms 46:10aBe still, and know that I am God
    • Jeremiah 29:11For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope
    • Matthew 7:7-8Ask, and It will be given to you: seek, and your will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.   For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
    • Proverbs 31: This is the kind of woman, I want to be

Workouts: Five Minutes Abs – daily
Tiny House:  I will have the trailer and shell built by the end of 2015, but I am going to work super hard on having in complete
Massage: Complete my freshman term

What does your 2015 journey look like?

Add a comment January 3, 2015

Vaccinations

Vaccinations

I have been reading this fascinating book about vaccinations. I have not finished it so I have not yet done my due diligence, so I have not made an opinion on the book but it has definitely kept my interest. I am not here to preach yay or nay, that is not my decision to make but your. I just encourage you to do your own research and decide yourself. I have never been one to let anyone tell me what to do without first looking into it myself. Honestly, the arguments on either side are very influential. Look for good strong reliable information, unbiased information (or know to weed the bias out), talk with your doctor, review both sides, and pray before making your decisions. Take notes in your research and write down why you made your decision because their are going to people on both side trying to change your mind. But, remember, you are going to be you family’s best advocate and you can only make the best decision you can with the information we have today.

Add a comment November 10, 2014

The Middle of the Bed

The hardest and greatest thing about being a single parent is sleeping in the middle of the bed alone. Have you ever had that feeling then you slide into the middle of the bed, cool fresh sheets gliding across your skin then stretching your arms across the bed breathing in a deep since of peace? Or, crawling into bed so tired and exhausted that life has slapped you silly with cold sheets amplify emptiness, knowing life could have been different if only you might have someone to share life with.

Sleeping alone in the middle of the bed is a freedom I have never felt elsewhere, and then other times it is the elephant sitting on my chest. Then the weight of every decision, I make will effect my munchkins and their future is mine alone. The weight seems unbearable. I pray that I am a strong enough mom to keep my munchkins from becoming a statistic of drugs, violence, gangs, and no faith because their dad chooses not to be a part of their lives, and that I show them enough love and respect, and teach them knowledge, discipline,
and contentment that no matter what life hands them they can make lemonade with a smile.

Add a comment October 23, 2014

Online Dating Fail

Online Dating Update

So, I started chatting with this guy and it was an instant spark. He actually is a Star Trek, Star Wars and Stargate fan. Out of all three, Stargate is my favorite, so he was an instant favorite, and after several days of texting then I got his name and googled him: Facebook status was married and married this April. I was very very sad. I really really liked him, and honestly, it was hard not to text him. I understand now how a woman, can stay in a relationship with a married man, even after learning he is married. I was not dating a married man. I have to much respect for myself, and I refuse to be the other woman. I have to say that this has deterred my online dating, well dating in general. I have decided that I cannot offer a relationship what it needs, and I do not think I can trust someone to be that close to me and eventually my children. I suck at kissing, do not want to jump into bed with someone after six dates, and then there is the whole blending of the families. I know the stuff I pulled as a kid on my step-dad, so I will pass. And, honestly, I do not have time to devote to a relationship. I have several volunteer projects on my plate, going to massage therapy school, and being a full-time single mom is a lot. So, I am happy to say that I am off the market, and very happy with my life the way it is. Maybe, I am meant to be a single mom and some how use my experience to help other single moms.

Please, Share our love story or horrible story of online date

Add a comment October 22, 2014

To Build or to Snowball

Tiny House

I have been thinking about living simply for a while. We have been downsizing for over two years and trying to be more eco-friendly. I have this dream to live in a small house raising my kids. Now, the question becomes do I stop my debt snowball and save everything I can to build my tiny house then continue with the debt snowball or wait ten years to be debt-free then built my tiny house. I know Dave Ramsey says to be debt- free first, but is that step right for me? Am I just tiny house happy? With the tiny house over seventy percent of all my current income with be freed up and that will increase as time goes by to throw at the debt. Hmmm….what to do? What to do?

Can we live in a tiny house? Yes, I believe we can. I believe it will open a new world and new depths to our family relationships.

1 comment July 11, 2014

Bye-Bye TV

Bye-Bye TV

I have wanted to box up my television for at least a year, after reading several Amish romance books, and watched a documentary on this family who gave up all modern living.  It was very inspiring, but then I think what would to do without television.  We gave up cable almost four years ago for three reasons: one, I could not afford it, two, I was flipping through my DVR and all I saw was kids shows, and third, television is losing its morals quickly.  But, now, I even want to get rid of the television all together, because even without cable we spend way too much time watching TV.  My youngest child was walking around Home Depot saying, “I am a Vulcan, I have no emotions and I am from the plant Vulcan” while trying to make the hand signal.  I decided then that we watched too much television and definitely too much Star Trek.  Of course, we have watched all Star Trek The Next Generation (twice), Deep Space Nine, Voyager and recently Enterprise.  There are so many other things that we could be doing instead of sitting around watching television like riding bikes, board games, dinner at the table, laundry, etc.

We have been without the television about two weeks, and the evenings had been pretty easy with board games and bike riding.  This weekend was a little bit harder, we did spend sometime with at a friends, grilling, gardening and cleaning house but I did crave in and we watched a movie on the computer.  I still have not plugged the television back in, because I know we will be in the same spot again never turning the television off.  I believe my munchkins are having television withdraw also.  I took a nap today, and then I woke up my kids were watching Netflix on the computer.  I know, I started it then we watched that movie last night, but it just shows that we are addicted to television.  I fear what winter is going to be like without being able to get out of the house.

What are your thoughts on television?  The shows on television? How does television affect you and your family?

6 comments June 3, 2014

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