Bad to Better

Yesterday, started out badly, mainly because I did not got to bed early enough the night before. Then the arguing started about wearing weather appropriate clothes. Then word of my third rejection and that then the tears started and battle not to let them fall. Then, I talked with a friend and expressed all my feeling about the day and this stupid crazy school girl crush I have. Which I am guess is driving to roller coaster of emotion, because I am 32 and happy being a single mom. Why do I have this crush? I digress, but I felt loads better after my confession and my day improved. I even worked on my RV living plan.

This morning Bible versus was:

Galatians 1:10 For do I now persuade men or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still please men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

Wow…I have to stop trying to impress others and just focus on God. God knows what the plans are for my life and my hearts desires and He will bring them to pass in His time not mine.

Add a comment November 4, 2014
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The Middle of the Bed

The hardest and greatest thing about being a single parent is sleeping in the middle of the bed alone. Have you ever had that feeling then you slide into the middle of the bed, cool fresh sheets gliding across your skin then stretching your arms across the bed breathing in a deep since of peace? Or, crawling into bed so tired and exhausted that life has slapped you silly with cold sheets amplify emptiness, knowing life could have been different if only you might have someone to share life with.

Sleeping alone in the middle of the bed is a freedom I have never felt elsewhere, and then other times it is the elephant sitting on my chest. Then the weight of every decision, I make will effect my munchkins and their future is mine alone. The weight seems unbearable. I pray that I am a strong enough mom to keep my munchkins from becoming a statistic of drugs, violence, gangs, and no faith because their dad chooses not to be a part of their lives, and that I show them enough love and respect, and teach them knowledge, discipline,
and contentment that no matter what life hands them they can make lemonade with a smile.

Add a comment October 23, 2014
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Online Dating Fail

Online Dating Update

So, I started chatting with this guy and it was an instant spark. He actually is a Star Trek, Star Wars and Stargate fan. Out of all three, Stargate is my favorite, so he was an instant favorite, and after several days of texting then I got his name and googled him: Facebook status was married and married this April. I was very very sad. I really really liked him, and honestly, it was hard not to text him. I understand now how a woman, can stay in a relationship with a married man, even after learning he is married. I was not dating a married man. I have to much respect for myself, and I refuse to be the other woman. I have to say that this has deterred my online dating, well dating in general. I have decided that I cannot offer a relationship what it needs, and I do not think I can trust someone to be that close to me and eventually my children. I suck at kissing, do not want to jump into bed with someone after six dates, and then there is the whole blending of the families. I know the stuff I pulled as a kid on my step-dad, so I will pass. And, honestly, I do not have time to devote to a relationship. I have several volunteer projects on my plate, going to massage therapy school, and being a full-time single mom is a lot. So, I am happy to say that I am off the market, and very happy with my life the way it is. Maybe, I am meant to be a single mom and some how use my experience to help other single moms.

Please, Share our love story or horrible story of online date

Add a comment October 22, 2014
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Dating Again

Dating Again

I have decide that it is time to think about dating again, and a coworker told me about a free dating website. Last weekend, I thought why not give this a try what is it going to hurt. I setup my profile, answered some weird questions and started searching. I was just honest and straight forward. The biggest thing was waiting for a more intimate relationship until marriage. I have already received a message from a troll being nasty to and guy saying sorry that is a no go for him, which I am total fine with. But in this process, I decided that I will be setting an example for my children if and then I dated again. I do not want to be the mother preaching one thing and doing another. I do not plan on meeting anyone, but it will have an amazing interesting learning experience. It was actually been a good to see that I am not longer that lonely young girl just looking for love and settling for who will take me. I know what I want and definitely what I do not want, which things I am willing to bend on and which I stand behind. It is a freeing feeling to know that I am valuable and special and if you are going to be a part of my life and later my children’s then you should know and respect me. I would not have to settle.

Honestly, I have not done, a lot of dating in my life. I dating my ex-husband a few months before we married and then I believe I dated my children’s dad a few weeks before we moved in. And, my first date even was my senior year in high school who I have never heard from again. The first year after my husband and I split, I had one date on Valentine’s Day, just so I was not alone. And, after the Valentine Day date, I had a few dates with a coworker’s friend, but I do not remember much about him but he had a beard. So, this online dating is weird.

Is okay to be chatting with four guys at a time?
When do you say okay, we are take this to the next level and only talk to each other?
How long should you chat in online before texting and talking on the phone?
Is there a timeline to follow you chat for a week online, then text a few more weeks, and talk on the phone a few times then you have a date, etc?
How long should you chat, text, and talk on the phone before you meet?
How in depth should the discussions go?
Do I really want to meet someone I met on the net?
What if he is a jerk in person?
Why do the married guy keep popping up on my matches?
Why am I here again, I am perfectly happy with my life now?
Can I ask about their online dating search without sound jealous or crazy?
Can I lose the fifty pounds a gained over the last year before I actually meet this person?

I believe these questions and the work of a relationship is what kept me hanging on to the past, but I am happy with my life either way.

2 comments September 27, 2014
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To Build or to Snowball

Tiny House

I have been thinking about living simply for a while. We have been downsizing for over two years and trying to be more eco-friendly. I have this dream to live in a small house raising my kids. Now, the question becomes do I stop my debt snowball and save everything I can to build my tiny house then continue with the debt snowball or wait ten years to be debt-free then built my tiny house. I know Dave Ramsey says to be debt- free first, but is that step right for me? Am I just tiny house happy? With the tiny house over seventy percent of all my current income with be freed up and that will increase as time goes by to throw at the debt. Hmmm….what to do? What to do?

Can we live in a tiny house? Yes, I believe we can. I believe it will open a new world and new depths to our family relationships.

1 comment July 11, 2014
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Bye-Bye TV

Bye-Bye TV

I have wanted to box up my television for at least a year, after reading several Amish romance books, and watched a documentary on this family who gave up all modern living.  It was very inspiring, but then I think what would to do without television.  We gave up cable almost four years ago for three reasons: one, I could not afford it, two, I was flipping through my DVR and all I saw was kids shows, and third, television is losing its morals quickly.  But, now, I even want to get rid of the television all together, because even without cable we spend way too much time watching TV.  My youngest child was walking around Home Depot saying, “I am a Vulcan, I have no emotions and I am from the plant Vulcan” while trying to make the hand signal.  I decided then that we watched too much television and definitely too much Star Trek.  Of course, we have watched all Star Trek The Next Generation (twice), Deep Space Nine, Voyager and recently Enterprise.  There are so many other things that we could be doing instead of sitting around watching television like riding bikes, board games, dinner at the table, laundry, etc.

We have been without the television about two weeks, and the evenings had been pretty easy with board games and bike riding.  This weekend was a little bit harder, we did spend sometime with at a friends, grilling, gardening and cleaning house but I did crave in and we watched a movie on the computer.  I still have not plugged the television back in, because I know we will be in the same spot again never turning the television off.  I believe my munchkins are having television withdraw also.  I took a nap today, and then I woke up my kids were watching Netflix on the computer.  I know, I started it then we watched that movie last night, but it just shows that we are addicted to television.  I fear what winter is going to be like without being able to get out of the house.

What are your thoughts on television?  The shows on television? How does television affect you and your family?

6 comments June 3, 2014
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God are YOU there?

Have you ever wondered if God was there?  Over the last several days, I have been praying for answered to various questions, and I got nothing.  I mean I know God is there but I feel so lost and empty sometimes.  So, is God just sitting back to see if I have learned the lessons to be able to handle these situations?  Am I missing the answer? Why does the valley seem so empty?  I what to believe God is here with me in this valley but I do not feel Him.  I feel sad, scared, frustrated and a lone.  Then, I do cry out to God for direction……nothing.   I know the Bible says, God is will us through the valleys (Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Ps 23:4) but why cannot a feel Him?  How can I follow God then I cannot hear or feeling His presence in my heart?  How do I know the steps to take?  Is this where my faith comes in?  Or, maybe this is my lack of God knowledge?  Or, maybe Satan is blocking the message, in hopes I will rumble.  I do not know.  I do know that our hearts can deceive us, and that no matter what I feel God is here and that even if I make the wrong decisions through this valley He is still here.

3 comments June 3, 2014
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Beetle

I feel like it is Christmas Eve and I am waiting for Santa.  Which is totally weird because we did not have Santa growing up and I do not have Santa with my children (with is a totally different blog topic).  There has been talk at the office about buying or selling cars, and it has inspired me to finally look at maybe possible trading in the gas slurping quad cab truck.  I have had serious doubt that I could drive a car, but I had a rental car for a month a few years bad and survived.  Plus, being that low to the ground makes me feel like Fred Flintstone, and that at any moment, I will need to start pushing.  However, then I filled up my truck last week it was almost eighty dollars (I only get 8 miles to the gallon), that is then it dawned on me how much cheaper (and more environmentally friendly) a car would be.  My sister made the jump from truck to car and her’s was much bigger then mine, and then we go somewhere together it does not both me.  Then me truck has been paid off for a little over a year and it has been totally awesome.  So, I am not looking to go further into debt to purchase a vehicle, but I would like to do a straight trade across.  So, the other night, I did some searching or used cars. Last night, I test drove a Beetle.  I so wanted it but it was 9K more than I wanted to pay, but I stuck to my guns and did not finance it.  Hooray, for me, but, I want to find a deal on a dependable used Beetle.  I hope that I have found one, but it is two hours away and stick shift.  I am hoping that my uncle will be able to stop in, examine it and give the thumbs up, and if not I will wait for the next one.  The problem is that I did not think to ask him if he could check it out earlier in the day, and now, I have a million thoughts running through my head.  Like what if his is out-of-town?  Or cannot make it tomorrow? Or they sell it before he can get there?  Or what if it is a thumbs down? Or what if he says no, he is super busy? What if we can negotiate an awesome deal but I can’t learn a stick shift?  It is clutch, start, clutch, first gear, gas, release the clutch as to press the gas, right?  What is downshifting?  Clutch, then brake then to neutral? Then do I need to shift up? How do I drive on the interstate? Oh, I wish I would have beg Dad teach me to drive a stick? Why can’t I sleep? I have been laying in bed for like an hour?  Should I read a book? No, then it will be four am before I can sleep?  Okay, think black, dark, empty………………………………………….Nope, still awake, well, if I cannot sleep I can write about it.

2 comments April 3, 2014
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How to Kill 11 Million People by Andy Andrew

Hmmmm……I book on how to kill eleven million, why would I read a book like that. But, after hearing an interview from the author Andy Andrew on EntreLeadership podcast, I was intrigued. Again, was so ecstatic to read this book, I called three different bookstores when Barnes and Noble did not have the book locally. I so wanted to know what the secret is to facing issues with your opponents and actually achieve more than arguing. I have known for years that, I am not going to change your opinion and you are probably not going to change mine, but how do you work together, if there is not a win-win mentality . Andy Andrews did not go into detail of how to work with your opponent but stated repeatedly that the truth is what is important.  It also makes me ponder my involved in my local, state, and federal government.  To be perfectly honest, I vote, but that is about as far as my involvement goes.  I have tuned the world out, because it is depressing and my opinions or ideas are not going to change Washington or stop world hungry. Who wants to hear about the wars, school shoots, gang fights, the trillion-dollar deficit (Obama, you need to listen to Dave Ramsey and get our country on a super tight budget), Obamacare, recession, murders, politics, the party lines, liberal, republican, democrat, conservative…..you get the picture.   Andy Andrews answers to the questions in the back of the book, caused me to stop and think more than the actually story. It was because of people like me, that just sat back and ignored the issues, for whatever reason, are guilty of the crime too. I am a bit ashamed to say that I am part of the problem and that I need to stop blaming Obama, stand up, and demand our leaders to lead with integrity and honor.   When did we become a nation, divided? A nation are lying leaders? I ponder what old Abe Lincoln is thinking about now.  He fought to keep our nation together because he knew we could not stand divided.  What is the old saying, divide and conquer?  Growing up watching shows like Knight Rider, Matlock, StarTrek (the Next Generation), Murder, She Wrote, Walker, Texas Ranger, I always wanted to be the one who stood up to the bad guys, even if I was in danger.  Now, as an adult looking back, I let fear and discord settle in my spirit instead.  I believe now is the time to be involved, because to change a town, city, county, state, country, and the world starts with me.

Add a comment March 26, 2014
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My Cheese Was Moved

I was inspired by listening to Dave Ramsey’s radio show to improve my platform as an employee and team member.   I know that I can be an extremist from zero to sixty and sixty to zero in three seconds.  The reviews and endorsements on the book “Who Moved My Cheese,” are raving, and being credited with saving jobs, careers, marriages, and so on.  I was so enthused to read it, that I purchased it from Barnes and Noble at the higher in store price instead of the cheaper online price.  As I began reading, my balloon sprang a leak and with every word read, my bewilderment grew.  How could this book be credited with saving jobs, careers, relationship, etc etc?  Now, since, I hate quitting, I read on.   Towards, the end of the story, was were it clicked, “Who Moved My Cheese?”  Duh, if I would just ask myself “Who Moved my Cheese?, Which direction do I go to find it?, Where their warning sign?”  All in all, this is a liberating book, that allows a bit of humor, when evaluating a situation before jumping head first into the deep end.  I highly recommend this book to everyone, and I look forward to purchasing “Who Moved My Cheese for Kids”

 

I got to apply the who moved my cheese question this weekend.  Saturday morning, I had plans to stop by Target return few things, stop by the garden center for help with my citrus trees, and then pick up a book from Mardels and then a that Lifeway.  As, I was driving down the road, I heard a pop then my transmission did a weird thing, followed by the check engine light.  Hmmmm….I prayed that we would make it to Target and then to Autozone.  The test revealed a transmission issue that only Dodge could fix.  I am sure, you see where this is going.   “Who moved my Cheese, was the question on my mind and praying that my semi funded emergency fund would cover the cost.   And, praise God it did, and I was not freaking out that I am back at the beginning of baby step 1.  Praise God, that I had my emergency fund.

 

Have you read, “Who Moved My Cheese” or “Who Moved My Cheese for Kids”?  I would love to hear your stories.

Add a comment March 24, 2014
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