Posts tagged ‘Death ‘


Today, I sit here writing a blog about my favorite love story while you are about to see your love after twenty years of being apart. I am excited and a little jealous that you will soon meet Jesus face to face and see Papa again. I pray that you are not suffering and that your journey from this world is quick and peaceful. I wonder what is going to happen to the family now that the glue holding us together is dissolving. Will we stay in contact? Or will we just see each other at weddings and funerals? Then Papa passed our family traditions started to fade. It started with the 4th of July, the first holiday after Papa passed and then progressed to Thanksgiving the next year with Auntie’s heart attack. Then Christmas as us kids grew up and moved away and had children of our own. A few months ago, when, I drove back to Little Town, USA to help pack your house so it could be sold, it was a surreal feeling. I remember driving into town thinking, there is not a single reason to ever come back here. I do not generally visit Auntie and Uncle, and if I did it would not be here. The saying, “You can never return home,” felt so true. I have wondered where we will gather as a family once you have passed, because your house would have been where we would gather. Are we even going to gather as one big family? The time between a passing and the funeral is always a special time to just stop, reflect, and just remember the times with the one who has passed. Are we going to get that as a extended family or just going to be our branch of the family tree gathered together? I do not know, what will happened but I know we will be okay. You have raised all us kids to be strong and faithful and love God with all our hearts. GG, I am so blessed to have you as a Grandma. You took me in then things were rough at home and taught me to love my Mom through our differences and for who she is by letting go of the past. You would tell me that you did not know how I did it, being a single Mom, but GG you raised your younger brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and many more kids in the community. Even my children have memories with their Great Great Grandma, how awesome is that. I wish, I could just have one more minute with you just to tell you, I love you. And, well, to see whether you would love or hate the Christmas present, I made you :). It is your favorite color red, but I did tear a Baptist hymnal up to use the pages. I can see both your reactions: you loving it and then the scolding for destroying a hymnal. But, then, I was committing my felony (the destruction of the hymnal), I was remembering all the hymns you would sing while you went about your business. You said you could not carry a tune, but I loved to hear you sing. I still love to hear those old hymns, it is like being at your house during summer vacation. I loved summers with you and Papa. You would sit me up on the counter and teach me to cook, well, try to teach me. On Saturday’s, we would take you to the beauty shop and we would help Papa clean house. Then we would pick you up and go to Hardee’s for a roast beef sandwich, then on to do the groceries shopping. I remember our allowance was 1.50 a week. I remember, it taking two very long painful weeks to save three dollars. 🙂 I learned so much from you, but the biggest were to love, fight, and have compassion. I will miss you, but I will be okay. The hard part is watching my children lose you. GG, how did you help your children through their loses? I did not know, my heart could break this much. I truly understand a Mom’s heart breaking for her children. The heartbreak their dad causing it nothing compared to this. We will be well, GG, because we know you will be with Jesus, and is exactly how I explained it. I am so excited that anytime now, Jesus’ is going to welcome you with open arms and that someday, we will see you again. We will all love and miss you, but rejoice that someday we will meet again because this is not our home.

All my heart,

1 comment January 12, 2015

Loss *updated*

Prayers for a Loss

Today, while at church with my Beloved (not my Beloved anymore but that is how I am going to refer to him in this blog) received the call that his grandfather had passed away. I do not know all details of the funeral and viewing but I believe he had a stroke last year and has been suffering from *
*Alzheimer’s*. Please say a prayer for him and his family, I believe this is the third death in the family and he himself has loss three friends in addition. It is been a hard year, please keep them in your prayers.

As I was driving him to his parents house, I tried to be comforting but really are there words that express your grieve and sorrow for him and his family. Not in my experience, so, I just held his hand and reflected on my own loss of my grandfather and how he must be feeling and was there anything that was said that helped? I could not remember any words that helped so I just continued to hold his hand and pray for his and family’s comfort.

*Sorry, for the lack of spell check.

2 comments November 26, 2012

Being bald

A few things, I had learned about being bald, well, close to it.

First, shampoo does not lather, I thought I should just use less shampoo. Logical, right, less hair, less shampoo, nope, it does not work that way, so I just used my homemade body scrub on my head and it is soft as a baby’s bottom. Okay, not that soft but soft.

Second, not use your expensive microfiber towel on your head as it may cause tearing or sagging. My head is soft but feels like Velcro, hence why people people like to rub a shaven head and now my head.

Third, the feel of the air against my head is still pretty weird, but it has been 29 years since I have felt air on my head.

Fourth, I think my hair is growing before my eyes.

Fifth, I think, I have a rebound headache of sorts without the weight on my hair. Weird

Sixth, my hair was a great cushion then I hit my head in those tiny bathroom stalls.

Seventh, I feel very liberated, like GI Jane.

Eighth, and most important, the word is spreading so ask me about my bald head, and I will happily tell you.

2 comments July 31, 2012


More MAD LOVE support of Team Madison. Go check out, Jennifer’s new do. I love her pictures. Let’s kick cancers butt.

1 comment July 30, 2012

Cancer Sucks…..

Well, I did it. I had been think of just writing the blog about Madison’s mommy shaving her head, then I read Jennifer’s blog wondering if she was brave enough and wondered why not. I thought at first it would be weird because I was not that close to Madison or her beautiful Mommy, then I saw how excited she was about the out poring of support and thought why not. Then reality sat in, I love my hair and I would really miss it and people would stare and question, and the big question, what if my beautiful curly hair did not grow back, but grew in straight or flat or different and what am I to do if short hair. I have had twenty-nine years to figure out how to do my hair in less than five minutes. Gel or ponytail. Mind, you that the clipper have been sitting out on my bathroom cabinet since last week, and all day they were calling my name. Then, I saw my dear friend and son shave their heads in support, and totally wanted to do it too. How many chances in a lifetime does a girl get in shave her hair in support? So, why not, but the question still plagued me, is my curly hair going to grow back? Then, I thought who cares my hair is half gray already so does it matter? Nope!!!



Here are the before and after picture. I did remember afterward that my sister wedding in two months away, and she is going to kill but their are wigs. I have to say that this is pretty cool.

Thank you Madison and Amy for inspiring me and reminding me for special life is and how blessed, I am. If you feel lead to help Amy reach her goal here is the link.

And for my Papa who lost his battle with cancer in 1995, Uncle who is currently is remission, and Joetta who is battle cancer again, prayers for you.

9 comments July 29, 2012

Blessed and inspired

Yesterday, was my Munchkins birthday. The previous night, I cuddled my sweet munchkin and thanked God for the what an amazing blessing I have. Then, I thought Lord if anything ever happens to either one of my children please remind my of this very moment and the blessings You have given me already and to be thankful for the time, I had with them. I do not know if, that is a morbid thought or not but I know that tomorrow is not promised to us and many of us including me take it for granted much of the time. But, I have heard my Grammy’s stories of the loss of her first child and seen how it has shaped my grandparent’s lives, and more recently, I have seen and read stories of children battling cancer especially one little girl named Madison. I work with her beautiful mother and got to know a little bit about what a beautiful courageous girl Madison was through her mom and through her blog. My heart breaks for her parents, and every time, I hug my munchkins, I thank God and say a pray for Madison’s mom. Who I can only image would give anything to hold her beautiful Madison again. It reminds me of an interview, I saw of the Chapman’s after they lost their previous Maria, where Mary Beth said and I am trying to paraphrasing here, “as a mother, I want my Maria back, I do not care how many lives her death has touched,” I could not even began to image, and to be perfect honest I do not want to. I do, however, want to help but I am not good with words or encouragement and I wish I could just hug them and not out of sadness or pity but out of strength. I have been blessed and inspired through Madison and her mom and through other families, I have gotten to know through Team Madison. So, I ask you to say a prayer for these families who have lost children and the ones still fighting and remember tomorrow is not promised so savory every moment even the moments that make you want to scream or cry because you think your heart is broken.

2 comments July 11, 2012


Seventeen years ago today my Great Grandpa lost his long fought battle with Parkinson’s disease. He fought hard for ten years. I remember the endless doctor’s appointments and physical therapy. He would do what look liked to me push-ups against the wall and would say, “I am holding up the wall.”

We generally spend summers with Grandma and Papa. My Grandparents would be waiting outside when we arrived, and it would be a race between my sister and I who could get to Papa first for him to pick us up in his big arms and hugs us.

My grandparents were semi-retired. My Grandma had a home daycare and Papa mower lawns and tended Mr. Marshall cattle. My Papa would come home in the middle of the day to refill he water cans and it was the greatest thing in the world to get to drink from Papa water canning. The slinky red one always leaked ice cold water down your shirt so I liked the round blue one.

In the afternoon when the others kids were taking naps, my Grandma would let me get up and Papa and I would watch the news, Bold and the Beautiful followed by As the World Turns then Guiding Light and finally Jeopardy. I did not like Jeopardy but Papa did and that is all that mattered.

Then for dinner Grandma and Papa would have cornbread and buttermilk. I could never get past the taste of buttermilk so I would have milk and cornbread which was still pretty gross but I got to be like Papa and that fact was what helped me swallow it.

After dinner, we would go eat Mr. Marshall’s cattle. I just remember swinging in the gate because I was to scare to go in and help eat the cattle.

I could go on for pages of memories I have with Papa. He was a great man and I am very blessed to have gotten to know him. I believe he tried to make the best of life. I miss him so very much and there are so many things I wish I could tell him. Wish he could meet my munchkins and my munchkins could meet him. I wish he could see I turned out pretty okay. They say time heals all but for me time has not. I have to take confront that Papa is with Jesus and someday I will see him again and he will get to meet my munchkins but in God’s perfect time not mine.

Add a comment June 8, 2012


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