Posts tagged ‘love ‘




Love is an action 

Love is…….

Most of us know the love verses in 1 Corinthians:

13:4-7

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; loves does not parade itself, is not
puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no
evils; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all
things, hopes all things, endures all things”

This has been one of my favorite verses, but I di not fully understand it until
recently. About a week ago, my friend/coworker/office mom sat down at the my
desk to elaborate on her Facebook post that I had reposted. The post was a mother
telling her daughter then looking for a mate, to place the gentleman’s name in these
verses and ask is this true. Is he kind? Is he envious? Is he prideful? Is he arrogant?
Is he rude?……..etc etc etc. (Remember, the King and I, the original not the remake
with Jodie Foster). If her daughter could replace the word love with the boy’s name
and the statement be true then he might pass mustard. I had reposted because I
thought it was a great way to teach girls how to pick a good man, and one I needed
to hear myself. My friend said that she needed to take these verses a step further
and apply them to herself. I am embarrassed to say that I was a bad friend and was
throwing a pity party while she was talking about this, but it did stick with me. I
have been yeaning to know how to love people I do not see eye to eye with. I look at
this country and see that it is broken and needs to be repaired but I do not see that
happened if we are constantly on different ends of the spectrum. But this is it, you
make love an action, so many times we think of love as a feeling but is the true
everlasting unconditional love? No, it is romantic love that many of us have read in
romance novels or watch in movies. It is real, but without the love the romantic love
fades with time.

I want to learn to love like this, and God has blessed me in the last several weeks and
months to put people in my life that show God’s love. Lord, thank You for blessing
me with these beautiful ladies and gentleman, ask open my heart to learn and show
to love. 

1 comment May 15, 2015

Craving

As I lay here trying to sleep, thinking about how long it is been since I have been in a
relationship, it occurred to me that I have never been in a safe intimate relationship
that I truly trusted the other person. Granted, I have only had two serious
relationships, one being my ex-husband and the second been my munchkins dad, so
my experience is lacking. But, I could never just be with them. With my ex-husband,
I was to busy being the needy dependent one to open our relationship to that level
and with my munchkins dad, I was to busy trying to live up to his crazy high
standards and what his ulterior motive was. I have
discovered that, I crave a safe truly intimate (more than the physical) relationship
with someone who will be my best friend love me faults and all. Someone who
knows to leave me be when, I am angry but knows to stay close by. Someone who
coddles me then I am sick. Someone who just holds my hand because they know
that is my love language. Someone who loves my munchkins, because the way to a
mother’s hearts is to love her kids as they were yours. Someone who will kiss me
without the expectation of sex, because it is intimately sweet and shows that I am
special. Someone who can shoot the breeze with my dad and show my mom
respect, but know then to stand up for me. Someone to share my interest
with like archery or just sitting down on the porch watch a good old fashion
thunderstorm roll through. Someone to smile, at how I get excited over the
dumbest things, someone who gets excited at me getting excited. Someone, who I can share their life with and know them as intimately as I know myself. I want a
relationship and marriage like my friend had that last fifty plus years.

Now, with that being said, am going to pounce on the first guy that shows a bit of
interest or sit back and watch life pass me by. Absolutely not, I am content with my
life, and blessed beyond belief, and this craving because does not change that, but
opens my eyes to what I need to have a safe intimate relationship and what I am
capable of giving. And, God will either put him in my path or take the crave
from my heart, but either way God is in control and He knows the journey that is ahead
for me. 

Add a comment April 24, 2015

Online Dating Fail

Online Dating Update

So, I started chatting with this guy and it was an instant spark. He actually is a Star Trek, Star Wars and Stargate fan. Out of all three, Stargate is my favorite, so he was an instant favorite, and after several days of texting then I got his name and googled him: Facebook status was married and married this April. I was very very sad. I really really liked him, and honestly, it was hard not to text him. I understand now how a woman, can stay in a relationship with a married man, even after learning he is married. I was not dating a married man. I have to much respect for myself, and I refuse to be the other woman. I have to say that this has deterred my online dating, well dating in general. I have decided that I cannot offer a relationship what it needs, and I do not think I can trust someone to be that close to me and eventually my children. I suck at kissing, do not want to jump into bed with someone after six dates, and then there is the whole blending of the families. I know the stuff I pulled as a kid on my step-dad, so I will pass. And, honestly, I do not have time to devote to a relationship. I have several volunteer projects on my plate, going to massage therapy school, and being a full-time single mom is a lot. So, I am happy to say that I am off the market, and very happy with my life the way it is. Maybe, I am meant to be a single mom and some how use my experience to help other single moms.

Please, Share our love story or horrible story of online date

Add a comment October 22, 2014

Awesomely Blessed Day

What an awesomely blessed day today is. I have installed a negative thought detector so negative thoughts send off warning signs to get Satan deceitfully lies out of my head. So far, God has enabled me to chase those horribly negative thoughts off, and I am so excited. I have been reading Joyce Meyer book Change Your Words, Change your Life over the last few weeks and it is an amazing book. I am one of those enthusiastic dorky people who even the smallest thing (like my friend giving me M&Ms) gives me great joy. However, somewhere over the years, I have learned to bury sharing that joy, and instead, showing the world what I perceive those around me except me to be out of fear (fear of rejection). But in reading Joyce’s book, I have begun sharing the joy with those around me, and today, a faced my world with the all blessings of God and a big sweetpea smile braces and all. 🙂

I will not live in fear derived from Satan’s deceit anymore. Joyce says, “We are energized by positive words and weakened by negative ones. Words can make us angry or they can calm us down; therefore, they must have power” (Page 6). A word or words can change the course of our lives. As I look back over my life, I can see how just a few words changed the whole course of my life. Do you remember when the book The Prayer of Jabez first came out in the 90s? One of the few parts, I read stated that we should pray for blessings, which at the time I though selfish. Joyce says basically the same thing in her book. I remember thinking the first time, I read Change Your Words, Change your Life and thought what if I am not blessed. But, blessing are not always this big huge thing. God blesses us in so many different way throughout the day from M&Ms to a card to a simple smile from a strangler. We just need to see through God’s eyes, so we do not miss them. Today, is an awesomely blessed day.

Add a comment August 26, 2013

Blessing of Friendships

Friday night, I had a conversation that ended badly.  I did not know how badly until about an hour ago, however, instead of being sad or angry or throwing a poor me party, I was able to stop and see even through I lost (the friendship end) a friend, what a huge blessing that friend and their family was been on me.  Regardless of how the friendship ended, I have truly been blessed and those blessings will go with me throughout my life.  I have learned: how to be more positive on the outside, thankful, truly began to love with prejudice, letting go, being less prideful, and faith.  I am sad but mainly joyful because I have learned so much over the last year.  God has blessed me through the people He has placed in my life.  Friday night as I drove home, I asked God why I cannot have that friend that you are best friends with through your whole life and knows you inside and outside and He did not answer directly.  I already knew the answer, when I have a dear friend, I tend to go to the phone instead of the throne.  I mean God is that friend.  He knows me inside and outside including the number of hairs on my head.  He brings the people into my life for reason if and then they leave is He’s plan, too.  God is always here and knows the desires of my heart and I do not have to wonder, if I follow Him, He will give me the desires of my heart.  “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”  Psalm 37:4 NKJV  And, even through the friendship is ended they are carried in my heart, because they were in my path for a reason.  Again, the God’s hand guiding me, I am going to remember my blessings and forget any negative feelings that Satan will use to deceive me with.

Add a comment August 25, 2013

Meeting

Well, the big meeting with the counselor and family was today.  It did not go as well as, I hoped, but did not go as terrible as I feared.  I tried to keep it to the facts, not to harp on the past, but to set the boundaries to hopefully rebuild the trust that has been broken on all sides.  I did pretty well not rebutting their opinions and feeling and not interrupting too much til a comment was made about my mothering stills at the end.  Then, I got a bit frustrated, because it was like the whole meeting was a waste and snapped a bit.  Since then, I have been running the comment over and over in my head trying to justify being angry.  I just want to tell them that what was said was totally unforgivable, but I cannot get myself working up over it.  Would I be  justified? Absolutely.  Is it worth losing my peace over? Nope.  And, honestly, it did not even get up my skin which is a big improvement for me, because even a few weeks ago that comment would have started a soapbox speech.  I believe it is an answer to prayers.   The meeting ending on a negative note, so I do not know if history is going to meeting itself or not.  I do know that I have to be open up enough to step out in faith in opening myself up for the trust to be rebuilt.

Today, I wrote down several Bible verses to focus on during the meeting to help me keep my peace, allow them to voice their opinions and feelings, to not fact fight, and have a positive attitude.

Be still and know that I am God – Psalms 46:10

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stars up anger – Proverbs 15:1

And, whenever y ou stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses – Mark 11:25

Then Peter come to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, & I forgive?  Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven – Matthew 18:21-22

But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners love those who love them – Luke 6:32

And, we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose – Romans 8:28

But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you – Luke 6:27

But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you – Matthew 5:44

I also listen to the audiobooks: Boundaries by Henry Cloud, The DNA of Relationships by Dr. Gary Smalley, Love is a Verb & Love is a Way of Life both by Dr. Gary Chapman to help me be prepared for this meeting.  I did not want to just be the last six years of build up angry rolling out but setting the boundaries and looking to the future.

It was neat to me how the book Boundaries and The DNA of Relationships both reference a lot of the same stuff.   The biggest help is knowing what my fear button which is why many of the things that are said get under my skin and working on react correcting to it.  Because your button is always going to get pushed, it is how you to react then your button gets pushed that is the important part.  Today showed that I not where I used to be, but I am not where I need to be.

Add a comment June 18, 2013

Writing new chapters

I had a dream to bring my family together with my munchkins daddy’s and his family. I know it would be hard work as everyone worked through our differences and past hurts. I wanted to give my munchkins a united front of one family, not Mommy’s family and Daddy’s family but their family. I wanted them to see that regardless of our past mistakes/choices/differences that our family can work through it and move on and that family is family, and not always blood related. Two or three months ago, I shared this dream with my munchkins’ grandmother, I was told that I was an ex, an ex for a reason, and had no busy in their lives. I was shocked, saddened and deeply hurt, I thought we were semi-friends. I also questioned God, as to why He could give me a dream of my heart only for it to have no hope of coming true and to be crushed. Then, Friday, then the storm hit, we went over there, and I saw she was right I am an ex, for a reason and there was no room for me. I felt so out of place that I could not wait to get out of there. It was sad but yet freeing experience. Another chapter closed. Then, this morning then the storms rolled through around four am, the first clap of thunder, I did not wake expecting, my ex to say, “it’s okay, go back to sleep,” First time, in what five, six, seven years? I do not know what the future holds for our families or if they will ever be intwined or what relationship God is growing, but He is in control. So, then, I start to worry about the future or my dream of our families bending, I stop, breath, and say, “Be Still, and Know I am God” Ps 46:10.

5 comments June 4, 2013

Why God Why

So, a few weeks ago on my way to pickup my youngest munchkin, had a break through moment. I was praying, crying and begging God to fix me. I was so angry because I felt that every time, God did a little work on me and I felt things would be okay, I would back slide. And, most of all, I did not understand why God was not helping me get rid of my angry, negative attitude and why He was not filling the hole in my heart only He can fill. And, I do not want to be judgmental, assuming the worst in people, but be the sweet nice girl next door who loves everyone whole hearty and rarely assumes bad in people. I wanted disparately for God to fill my heart. In those moments of desperation, I realized that my angry was with God. I was shocked, I have no true reason to be angry with God, I have been greatly blessed with two wonderful munchkins, family, friends, good job, my new puppy, a roof over my head, pretty good health, etc. as soon as I spoke the words, I felt a weight lift off my chest. It was totally and completely amazing, and since those moments I have felt God. My heart is not completely fixed, but I have hope in my heart of hearts.

4 comments May 26, 2013

Prayers for Beloved

Beloved,

You are the only person in my life that I have to continuously forgive on a daily basic. I get so angry at you and myself because I want to believe what you are saying and that you are not just using me and our family as stepping stone to whatever you want. But your actions speak louder than your words and I do not see a different man but the man who hurt me and our family deeply and seemingly without care with lie after lie. I do not get it why lie to me and present a false person to me. I know your heart and I know the good you carry in your heart. You are a child of God whether you believe or not. I just want to shake you and say to you why do you not see that you are still here on the planet because God has a plan for you. In the last month or so you have lost three friends, and I do not know circumstances but you are here, so drop down on your knees and praise God and ask Him what His plan is for life. You know you are here for a reason, there has been more than one time where God could have taken you home.

My prayer is why God why? I am okay being single but I am not okay with you in and out of my life. I am not okay with your words of hope and the brokenness that follows then you do not follow through or the me that comes out of my stone cold heart after the brokenness. I do not like that person, because I know you are far better than how you treat me. God why can I not just walk away. The answer God spoke to my heart because through you he will see Me. God, please, guide me through this journey, keep my heart open, open my Beloved’s heart to You.

For nothing will be impossible with God-Luke 1:37

Add a comment October 14, 2012

Beloved

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the point where our relationship started to crumble and fight for you instead of crawling into myself and letting my pride get in the way. I wonder if it would have made a difference? There has been several times I have fought and lost you, but I was fighting for selfish reasons and it was only half-hearted. Then the last few months, I let my fear and bitterness sideline me. I did not want to go down the same road again and I would talk to you and get so excited and make plans and get all these expectations of you and would be hurt then you did not meet them. I bet you did not even know I had all these exceptions for you to meet. I reasoned to myself was that I wanted you to focus on you but that is half true and half cop out. I have cried many many night for our relationship. I have been on my hands and knees begging God to touch you and us and if nothing else to just let you feel me wherever you were to just feel my love for you in your heart or to feel my hand holding yours. I do not know the answer to those prayers, I have never thought to ask you. We both know the number of times we have said goodbye to each other and it was never easy for me but I definitely tried to give that impression and I do not know if you saw through it or not. I know you hit the nail on the head when you said, I was afraid of being hurt. I was and I was afraid of the blow to my pride of being that girl who just could not let go. You use to tell me to loved me but I did not believe it because I could not feel it in your words or your actions like I could in the beginning. You know me, actions speak louder than words, and I expected you to be the guy I fell in love. I wanted that so badly and just did not know how to tell you that is want I needed. I pushed you away and hardened my heart and let the bitterness slowly creep in because I was not the person that you choice to include in your life. I always fell like the back up plan and instead of saying something and I let it fester. I do not know if that is what you believed or not but I should have faced it head on and save us both a lot of heartache.

Father’s Day was the final blow and the ultimate and ultimates, then I got that text, “I do not love you anymore.”. Talk about a slap in the face, and yes I wanted to hurt you as badly as you had just hurt me. I did snap a little trying to defend my position and that I was not all to blame, and wanted to pop on a plane to go shake some since into you. I wanted to go run out and grab the first single guy out there or change my Facebook status to In a relationship or post the song that (you know the one that where she just wants to hold on through the night and she will let go) or post sappy stuff dating or a new guy etc etc. I biggest fear over the last five plus years is that I would lose you and not by me walking away and I have. It is sobering and heartbreaking and I just want to scream pick me pick me (I believe I actually did that once) and scratch the other girl’s eyes out but the grownup inside of me just wants you to be happy even if that is without me.

Forty thousand chips and cantaloupe

Add a comment June 23, 2012

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