Posts tagged ‘love ‘

Stolen Gas

So, Thursday one of my Facebook friends posted a picture of their gas door of their car with a message that I thought was a bit harsh until friday morning because someone has trying to pry open the gas door. Friday morning, I got out to my truck to find that my 64 dollars of gasoline was gone and the gas door and cap where just hanging. Grrrrr……really God I get the message keep your month shut it is not my place to judge anyone or anything.

I do not know the situation of the person stealing my gas, maybe felt they did not have a choice, however, they did and that is to trust God to provide which is harder said than done sometimes. I have been a single mother for a while, now, and it is hard. There have been times then I brought my kids food and went without food. I remember times when I could only afford to put a gallon or two my gas my car at a time and pray that God it would last. I was even had to borrow seven dollars from my boss once for gas money to get home. There have been times then I did not know if I would be able to keep a roof over my children’s heads, or food in their bellies. At one point, I did not have any money or a way to get to a story and my boyfriend had disappeared and I had to call the infant crisis center here to have food to feed my two month old child at the time. And, many many times, I wondered why me God? Why could I not have an adoring husband? A modest house? And a marriage that would survive the ages? I look back now and see that without my faith in God, who knows what I would have done in my moments of need. I was and am still truly blessed to be a child of God. I am still not through this valley but with God at my side who can be against me.


Add a comment June 19, 2012

Heaven is for Real

I started reading Heaven is for Real tonight during my munchkins karate class, because I want to feel God and I was hoping this amazing story (so I hear) would draw me closer to God. I am currently only on chapter 10, the beginning was good, however, I expected it to just jump right in the stories of heaven and Jesus so I had to force yourself to continue reading but it is good information that I would have asked if I had not had expectations. I know Collins experience is horrify but reading from the Dad’s view of point broke my heart. I know all to well the broken heart of a parent watching your child suffer and being helpless to stop it. My oldest was born as 30 weeks and spend 4ish weeks in the NICU. I loved (no really) getting a call from the NICU nurse that started with “Everything is okay, but” Really, just tell me flat out what it is. I remember one call at around 9 am from the NICU to say, “Everything is okay, but the baby is anemia and needed a blood transfusion. You have to know, I thoughts on blood transfusions, gross. I am anemia myself but I do try and give blood every chance I can, but it receive it. I know, it is crazy, but I think it is a risk, and it is I risk I refuse to take and I sign that little paper that frees the hospital of a lawsuit in the case, I need blood but I refuse and die. So, how could I sign a paper and okay them to give my child something, I myself refuse to do? Is that not compromising my beliefs? And, really, I do not know this people donating is it really that safe? And, I did not care what the medical community says, I wanted to know my the evidence says. So, I called everyone, I trust to come be testing to yes if they were a match. Sister left work drove the 90+ miles the hospital to be typed and give if needed and my sister HATES needles. But, by midnight, they could not wait any longer (it takes three days to get blood ready for transfusion), after looking at the my child’s color draining fast, the was the risk and my believes where not that big and God would get us through. I signed the papers and waiting for the blood bank to delivery the blood to the NICU. It was during shift change, in which the NICU closes to parents and family, but I was not leaving until the blood was here and onboard. After twelve sticks, and the heartbreaking screams from my tiny 3lb baby, I screams at the nurse to get away for my child and for someone else could try in a bit. I sat there holding my child’s tiny hand through the isolate. Once shift change was complete, they tried again and were able to get the IV started.

I cannot compare my time in the NICU to that of this family or many family but the feeling you have as a parent watching your child suffer could break anyone. My faith in God and hope got me through my two experiences in the NICU and my oldest munchkins two minor hernia surgeries.

Okay, now, time for bed and more reading tomorrow.

1 comment June 13, 2012

I lived in an unfinished house.

I lived in an unfinished house..


Wow, I could not have said this better myself.

Add a comment April 15, 2012


%d bloggers like this: