For a long time, I wanted to make more money, “To buy things, I cannot afford, to impress people, I do not like,” like Dave Ramsey says. Now, I want to make more money to pay off my debt and save. I started Dave Ramsey get out of debt plan last month, and my kids started Dave Ramsey’s Junior Financial Peace. I am currently on baby step 1, saving a 1,000 dollar emergency fund. I decided for my situation 2,000 would be better so I am working on that. I have my debt snowball plan, with my current income it can be paid off in seven years, but I am praying about, what I can do to increase my income with the smallest out-of-pocket expense that allows me the freedom to be at home with my kids as much as possible. I am super excited, I plan to have all my non-student loan debt paid off by the end of the year, and then hopefully, have the student loans paid off within the next four years. I am so excited, I just want to tell everyone to jump on board with Dave Ramsey’s financial freedom plan.
Now, if you are not a Dave Ramsey fan, just keep listening, because at first he just annoyed me. Probably, because I know I could do so much better and have nothing to show for all that debt. And, I thought he was kinda mean, but then I started listening to his testimony and it is powerful. He says, he was stupid with six digits on the end of it, but what he said that ultimate turned the light on was: If you owned a corporation called Me Incorporated would you fired you for the way you are handling the company money, and it is not your money but God’s (you are His manager, just like our children are only on loan). The light was are low then I heard the first comment, then flipped on bright after the second comment in both my financial walk and my mom walk (but that is another post).
Now, the hard part sticking to the budget and being patient because like usually I want to hurry up and be on baby step 7, but that will come and what an amazingly beautiful learning experience it is going to be.
1. $1,000 In An Emergency Fund
2. Pay Off All Debt With The Debt Snowball
3. 3 To 6 Months Expenses In Savings
4. Invest 15% Of Income Into Roth IRAs And Pre-Tax Retirement Plans
5. College Funding
6. Pay Off Your Home Early
7. Build Wealth And Give!
Yesterday, was my Munchkins birthday. The previous night, I cuddled my sweet munchkin and thanked God for the what an amazing blessing I have. Then, I thought Lord if anything ever happens to either one of my children please remind my of this very moment and the blessings You have given me already and to be thankful for the time, I had with them. I do not know if, that is a morbid thought or not but I know that tomorrow is not promised to us and many of us including me take it for granted much of the time. But, I have heard my Grammy’s stories of the loss of her first child and seen how it has shaped my grandparent’s lives, and more recently, I have seen and read stories of children battling cancer especially one little girl named Madison. I work with her beautiful mother and got to know a little bit about what a beautiful courageous girl Madison was through her mom and through her blog. My heart breaks for her parents, and every time, I hug my munchkins, I thank God and say a pray for Madison’s mom. Who I can only image would give anything to hold her beautiful Madison again. It reminds me of an interview, I saw of the Chapman’s after they lost their previous Maria, where Mary Beth said and I am trying to paraphrasing here, “as a mother, I want my Maria back, I do not care how many lives her death has touched,” I could not even began to image, and to be perfect honest I do not want to. I do, however, want to help but I am not good with words or encouragement and I wish I could just hug them and not out of sadness or pity but out of strength. I have been blessed and inspired through Madison and her mom and through other families, I have gotten to know through Team Madison. So, I ask you to say a prayer for these families who have lost children and the ones still fighting and remember tomorrow is not promised so savory every moment even the moments that make you want to scream or cry because you think your heart is broken.
Wow….the last few days have been testing both emotionally and physically, but you know what. God has been with me every step of the way. I am learning that I may act like the ice queen but I am far from it. I have emotions and feelings and empathy for people and I am a positive realistic person but I have let my reaction to my fear out way that. I know I have I long way to go, but the last few days have proven that I am letting go of the past and looking forward to a bright future. And, I have definitely not mastered stopping the fear dance. I do knowledge it and halt it many times but only stopped it few times. I do see how I deal with my fear button being pushed and I am working on stopping the anger and gripping because that continues the cycle of anger.
I do have a choice.
As I lay here trying to sleep, thinking about how long it is been since I have been in a
relationship, it occurred to me that I have never been in a safe intimate relationship
that I truly trusted the other person. Granted, I have only had two serious
relationships, one being my ex-husband and the second been my munchkins dad, so
my experience is lacking. But, I could never just be with them. With my ex-husband,
I was to busy being the needy dependent one to open our relationship to that level
and with my munchkins dad, I was to busy trying to live up to his crazy high
standards and what his ulterior motive was. I have
discovered that, I crave a safe truly intimate (more than the physical) relationship
with someone who will be my best friend love me faults and all. Someone who
knows to leave me be when, I am angry but knows to stay close by. Someone who
coddles me then I am sick. Someone who just holds my hand because they know
that is my love language. Someone who loves my munchkins, because the way to a
mother’s hearts is to love her kids as they were yours. Someone who will kiss me
without the expectation of sex, because it is intimately sweet and shows that I am
special. Someone who can shoot the breeze with my dad and show my mom
respect, but know then to stand up for me. Someone to share my interest
with like archery or just sitting down on the porch watch a good old fashion
thunderstorm roll through. Someone to smile, at how I get excited over the
dumbest things, someone who gets excited at me getting excited. Someone, who I can share their life with and know them as intimately as I know myself. I want a
relationship and marriage like my friend had that last fifty plus years.
Now, with that being said, am going to pounce on the first guy that shows a bit of
interest or sit back and watch life pass me by. Absolutely not, I am content with my
life, and blessed beyond belief, and this craving because does not change that, but
opens my eyes to what I need to have a safe intimate relationship and what I am
capable of giving. And, God will either put him in my path or take the crave
from my heart, but either way God is in control and He knows the journey that is ahead
To the man whom broke into my home:
You picked the wrong house, I have no valuable processions except a laptop and a
gun. Well, I guess you could have taken the tube TV setting in the dining room floor,
but, honestly, I would have just giving it to you. The only reason it is in the dining
room is that I cannot lift it to take it on the curb. Just an FYI, not everyone answers
the door at ten thirty at night and you were in my backyard; you had to have seen the
light on in my room. You might want to rethink your game plan; the only thing you
got from me is: sense of urgency to submit my app for my CCP, need for more target
practice, need for more training with my weapon and self-defense, and fear. I have submit my app,
been for target practice (my aim is getting better), enroll in more training classes
and research which range membership to purchase, and taken up archery
as well. As for the fear, I will face that head on. I will not allow the victim mentality to win. I have lived far to long in fear at the hands of my ex who is/was a cocaine
addict. You have nothing on him. I actually thought you were him at my door,
hence, why I did not answer the door then you rang. I cursed then you kicked my door in because I thought he was kicking my garage door, and I was pissed. I even
opened the door, to tell him exactly what I thought about his tantrum, because I
refuse to give in to the fear he invokes. Then, I saw the door was kicked in, I
wondered if this was a scare tactic or one of his buddies. And, now, as I sit here writing this blog with weapon security in my pocket and the
hopper search for someone overhead, I have a need to pray for you. I do hope that
God puts someone in your path to change your path. Because the life you are living
has got to suck. I know the hell my ex put me through, but I know it was nothing
compare to the hell he has put himself through. My heartbreaks for him and you,
plainly, because God did not put your on this earth to terrorize and vandalize people. I
do not know your story, part of me wants to know, what lead you down this path of
crime. Maybe this was your first crime and it’s failure will turn your life around.
Na, this is reality not a Hallmark movie. Look, I do not care about your past; I care
about your future because as long as your breathing there is hope. So, I am going to
ask everyone, I know, to pray for you and my ex, for God to break your hearts, because regardless of your past, God loves you. God can turn your life around, and I believe that is better than the alternative.
So, I ask my readers to say a prayer for this guy and my ex.
4 comments March 16, 2015
My munchkins’ dad has been on my heart a lot lately, probably because we chatted over text a few weeks ago and my heart broke for
him. I could tell
something was bugging him. As the conversation deepened, I could tell
he was just down; thinking of what might have been and the what ifs. Hindsight, is always
twenty twenty. He apologize for how he treated me and munchkins and our failed
relationship and asked if we could get back together. Of course, that song, We are Never Being Back Together, popped in head, :(. I know, I know, I am a work in progress. Then, I said no, after waiting for him to get his act together for three years, I had
finally let us go, over a year ago and then I was seeing someone. This was a totally fib. Totally wrong, I know, but there is someone I would like to
see, I cannot, since it would be totally inappropriate (which is another blog
altogether). Then, he next question, “Do the kids ask about me?” And, I
answered honestly, “Not really, but if they do, I tell them what I know or I
do not know.” His respond blew my mind even for him. “Good”. Say what,
you are totally okay with your children not asking about you? So, I asked why, and his respond, “So
they will forget me? Is this guy your seeing good to them?” See, lying
always catches you in the end. So, I came clean, but I am so over the whole getting back together conversation. Then, I had to think long a hard on what to say next, because my job
is not to mother/judge/condemn him. “The kids love you, and no one will
ever take your place in their hearts, even if by some miracle, I do remarry.” Wait, to all the amazing stepdads who have become dads of our hearts, do not take offense. I personally have an amazing stepdad, who
loves me unconditionally even after being a total and complete jerk to him,
then he and my mom got together. He has become my dad of my heart,
but I will always wonder about the man who fathered me.
In those moments talking to my ex, my heart broke for my
munchkins and for him. He has no idea what he is missing. They just want their dad. They are young
enough that they are not going to hold past mistakes against him, but that
is not going to last forever. I wish he could just see their love for him that is
still young innocent and unconditional. They do not know or care yet,
about his past, they just want their dad. I do not even care about his past,
as long as it does not become his future, I just want him to see what is he
missing. Our children are growing up, and they need their dad. I have
tried to be both mom and dad, but I fall short. I realized that I cannot be
Dad, but I so desperately do not want our children become a statistic and following down his path of drugs and gambling. Lord, please break his
heart for he children to be a courageous father who honors You and loves
his children unconditional. Lord, open my heart to know that this time You have changed his heart and that Your hand is guide his path. Lord, give us the strength to
endure whatever challenges lay ahead.
1 comment March 2, 2015
Do you remember that movie Runway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? The movie where Julia Robert character runs from all her weddings moments before she is to exchange her vows? I tend to be a runner, then things start to look like I am going to be hurt…..I run and depending on who you are depends on how fast I run. On New Years Day, I got mad at one of my dear friends. Our friendship has always been rocky, so my first instinct was to get my things, she had and be done with this friendship. But, God reminded me of my motto for 2015 which is QBQ? I could not fail on the first day of 2015, and I have a sneaking feeling that I need to go to her church and I did not want the white elephant in the room. So, I ask her what I could do to fix this? We did not really resolve the issue, but I realized through our discussion that God has place some really amazing people in my life to help my through the changes coming this year. I even tried running when I learned of these changes. But God said nope, and has closed every door I have tried to open myself. I believe He has given me the support and equipment to handle the changes and allowed me to see what I need to learn. I even try running from God, then I think He has giving up on me. Sometime, I cannot feel God, and I beg to just be able to feel His present and then I do not, that is then the doubt set in. Is God real? Why would He care what I think or do? If God is real why cannot I feel Him? Why did He leave me? What did I do wrong? Why? Why? Why? Is the question at hand. This is when I general run fast and furious and shut Him out of my life. No matter, what I do I cannot run from God, and I am tired of running. You cannot out run hurt. We are going to hurt and be hurt, it is part of life. I have discovered that many of my hurts are because I had false expectations for others. My prayer today is that I have less expectations for others and just allow them and me to be who we are without expectations.
- 2015 New Years R
esolutions Goals Plan PathJourneyWe all know that resolutions are rarely successful. Goals are great but must be outlined then draw and quarterly with little give. Plans are just dreams that have not become goals. Path is the road to walk, but the journey is how we walk the path. I want 2015 to be an amazing journey where I can finally get out of the desert. Ever feel like the Israelities in your life wandering around the desert for forty years? I am not forty, though my hair says, I could be fifty or sixty and have only been suck for the last three years. I realized through many closed doors and much prayer that I have to learn to be content with what I am blessed with. I have a job that I am good at, but I stopped taking the initiative and lost the drive to go the extra mile, but just in the last few weeks God has opened my eyes to see that I have amazing coworker who are becoming friends, and personally, I just want to be a better Mom, and get my ab muscle back :). Last year, I learned that I cannot be both mom and dad filling in for their dad absents and no one can ever replace him or fill that void but God. I can focus on our relationships and on our family relationship to help give them a solid foundation. I want to spend 2015 learning what I can do to have a better attitude and mindset. To not be that mom, about to rip her hair out in the middle of the Target line because her kids are running a muck or the disgruntled employee who does what is ask while bellyaching in the inside. I read a book called QBQ several months ago, and then I begging God for an answer for a guide for 2015 this was my answer. I rediscovered on New Years Day the author and his wife has also written a book called Parenting the QBQ way. So, I rushed down to the Baptist Book Store and purchased their only copy. My new motto “What is the QBQ?”. Which stands for the Question Behind the Questions, both books talk about IQ andQBQ. An IQ is the incorrect question and theQBQ question behind the question being the better question to ask. IQ start with why, what, who and general use you, where aQBQ contains anI and an action. It is a retraining of yourself to get go of what is ready done (good, bad, or ugly) and focusing on what you yourself can do moving forward.Motto: QBQ
- Psalms 46:10a – Be still, and know that I am God
- Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope
- Matthew 7:7-8 – Ask, and It will be given to you: seek, and your will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
- Proverbs 31: This is the kind of woman, I want to be
Workouts: Five Minutes Abs – daily
Tiny House: I will have the trailer and shell built by the end of 2015, but I am going to work super hard on having in complete
Massage: Complete my freshman term
What does your 2015 journey look like?
I have been reading this fascinating book about vaccinations. I have not finished it so I have not yet done my due diligence, so I have not made an opinion on the book but it has definitely kept my interest. I am not here to preach yay or nay, that is not my decision to make but your. I just encourage you to do your own research and decide yourself. I have never been one to let anyone tell me what to do without first looking into it myself. Honestly, the arguments on either side are very influential. Look for good strong reliable information, unbiased information (or know to weed the bias out), talk with your doctor, review both sides, and pray before making your decisions. Take notes in your research and write down why you made your decision because their are going to people on both side trying to change your mind. But, remember, you are going to be you family’s best advocate and you can only make the best decision you can with the information we have today.
Yesterday, started out badly, mainly because I did not got to bed early enough the night before. Then the arguing started about wearing weather appropriate clothes. Then word of my third rejection and that then the tears started and battle not to let them fall. Then, I talked with a friend and expressed all my feeling about the day and this stupid crazy school girl crush I have. Which I am guess is driving to roller coaster of emotion, because I am 32 and happy being a single mom. Why do I have this crush? I digress, but I felt loads better after my confession and my day improved. I even worked on my RV living plan.
This morning Bible versus was:
Galatians 1:10 For do I now persuade men or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still please men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.
Wow…I have to stop trying to impress others and just focus on God. God knows what the plans are for my life and my hearts desires and He will bring them to pass in His time not mine.
The hardest and greatest thing about being a single parent is sleeping in the middle of the bed alone. Have you ever had that feeling then you slide into the middle of the bed, cool fresh sheets gliding across your skin then stretching your arms across the bed breathing in a deep since of peace? Or, crawling into bed so tired and exhausted that life has slapped you silly with cold sheets amplify emptiness, knowing life could have been different if only you might have someone to share life with.
Sleeping alone in the middle of the bed is a freedom I have never felt elsewhere, and then other times it is the elephant sitting on my chest. Then the weight of every decision, I make will effect my munchkins and their future is mine alone. The weight seems unbearable. I pray that I am a strong enough mom to keep my munchkins from becoming a statistic of drugs, violence, gangs, and no faith because their dad chooses not to be a part of their lives, and that I show them enough love and respect, and teach them knowledge, discipline,
and contentment that no matter what life hands them they can make lemonade with a smile.
Online Dating Update
So, I started chatting with this guy and it was an instant spark. He actually is a Star Trek, Star Wars and Stargate fan. Out of all three, Stargate is my favorite, so he was an instant favorite, and after several days of texting then I got his name and googled him: Facebook status was married and married this April. I was very very sad. I really really liked him, and honestly, it was hard not to text him. I understand now how a woman, can stay in a relationship with a married man, even after learning he is married. I was not dating a married man. I have to much respect for myself, and I refuse to be the other woman. I have to say that this has deterred my online dating, well dating in general. I have decided that I cannot offer a relationship what it needs, and I do not think I can trust someone to be that close to me and eventually my children. I suck at kissing, do not want to jump into bed with someone after six dates, and then there is the whole blending of the families. I know the stuff I pulled as a kid on my step-dad, so I will pass. And, honestly, I do not have time to devote to a relationship. I have several volunteer projects on my plate, going to massage therapy school, and being a full-time single mom is a lot. So, I am happy to say that I am off the market, and very happy with my life the way it is. Maybe, I am meant to be a single mom and some how use my experience to help other single moms.
Please, Share our love story or horrible story of online date